What I never knew

Now that I’ve finally started to write, I don’t want this to be about the past. I hate dwelling there though I admit it’s a nice place to visit, but definitely not a nice place to live. Also, I’m a changed man now. But what I’m today, and where I’m currently positioned in life is all because of my past. So, I can’t ignore it that easily. The past defines you. It influences how you work in the present to build your future. And that’s not just another preachy quote from the blog I recently started.

The people who know me wouldn’t believe this a bit. But yes, she changed me. Julien changed me. Julien Caviezel: the love of my life. People would say it was a bit too early for me to declare my love for her to everyone who knows us, even my family. But all my life, I’ve never seen a girl like her and bloody hell I’ve seen many!

New Bern, North Carolina.

25th June

Just a bloody dull day, like any other at my extra class. It was Friday and we were expecting the Professor, who also happens to be my distant relative to leave early. I, as usual, was staring out of the window daydreaming about tonight’s match.

“Aaron Hensler! Will I ever in this lifetime see you focusing where expected?!”, Savio Hensler, my most favourite cousin, almost yelled.

“Yes of course! I am focusing where expected”.

“Out of the window, is it?!”

“Which is anyway more interesting than studying languages only a machine gets.”

And our banter went on.

I don’t know why we are forced to enroll in this stupid extra classes when the other students were busy enjoying the summer vacations, visiting places and watching movies. No one ever questioned the authority of the college and they took wholesome advantage of this by planning such idiotic stuff only meant to waste time.

I was lost in my thoughts, when Savio scolded again, asking me to pay attention to the board. Needless to say, I was miffed that very instant and started hurling curses silently.

That’s when my attention drew towards a girl sitting close enough for me to notice, her curious dark eyes hiding behind a pair of spectacles. Now, my conversation with Savio was nothing new, happened almost every day and hence nobody in the class was much interested. So no one paid much attention to the unnecessary furore I was creating. But this particular girl kept looking as if she was studying me. The way my voice raised and went down, my hand gestures and my body language, I felt she was keenly studying everything. When she noticed me looking at her, she looked away.

After the class finished and she was gathering her stuff, I went up to her.

“Hey, Curly! So what do you think?”

She looked at me, not at all surprised, “I think you were misbehaving.”

“Oh! So you know what am I talking about?”

“Fortunately, I’m not half as silly as you.”

“Specsy has a brain! But why were you so intrigued? Doesn’t this happen every day?”

“It must be. But I’m not here every day. Today was my first day and going by what I see, I doubt if I made the right decision.”

“Hey Hey! Savio is a great teacher okay? Don’t be judgemental, er.. I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.”


“I see. Julien with pretty eyes, I’m Aaron, though you must have heard it when Savio shouted his lungs out.”

“I certainly did!”

“Do you watch soccer? I know it’s totally out of context, but do you?”

“I’d rather prefer reading a book than watch a lousy soccer match.”, she retorted as she packed her bag and went away.

This being my first conversation with her, I couldn’t make out much about her except the fact that she didn’t like soccer, didn’t know anything about Manchester United (except its name) but was actually intelligent but sucked at socialising, which is rare in today’s world, especially in my world. Now when I think back, maybe this is what made her special to me. She was unique. She was different, grounded, spoke less and openly admitted to the fact that she was well, introverted.

29th June

We were good ‘acquaintances’ now. She insisted that we’re not friends as she makes friends very rarely. She was more interesting than I expected. I would prefer her company more than anybody else’s, even  Savio’s. She would keenly talk about movies and books and she loved beaches. She wouldn’t talk about herself that much and asked really thought-provoking questions. Who does that these days?

“You look in the mirror too much. You HAVE to check yourself out in the glass of every passing car or shop.”, she once told me.

“Yes, that’s true. My girlfriend says the same. She says I”m arrogant and self-centered too.”

“I couldn’t agree more with Susan.”

“Is it not good to love yourself?”

“It is. But don’t fall in love yourself so much that you can’t love anyone else.”

“Is that why you don’t love yourself? So that you can love others?”

“Who says I don’t love myself? Only because I don’t look in the mirror 50 times a day or don’t ask people to click my beautiful pictures or sketch me down? Is that how it is? Then maybe I’m better off.”

“Yes, Julien. That is how it is!”

“Well, then maybe Preppie you can look at it like I’m confident about myself. Confident enough that I don’t have to keep reassuring myself that I’m looking fine. That I don’t need pictures and sketches to tell me that I’m attractive. Can’t it be like this?”

“It can. But it isn’t conventional.”

“Jesus Christ Preppie. What about me makes you think I’m conventional?”

2nd July

“I saw her in the corridors of our college in the morning and ran towards her with a piece of paper in my hand.

“Specsy! Wait, have a look at this!”

“His Highness! I finally have the pleasure of reading something you write?!”

“Yeah, on some days, I get considerate.”

The paper read:

The wide fields of a nearby farm

I watch us walk there arm in arm

Your dreamy eyes and that sweet smile

Make me forget we walked how many miles

“That’s it?”,she asked.


“Sorry I don’t mean to be rude. It’s beautiful, believe me. It is. And to my surprise, you have talent Preppie bastard. But I think you’re too lazy to put in some more efforts.”

“Fuck you, Julie! Everybody I showed it to loved it! You never appreciate my efforts, doesn’t matter how small or big they are. And this was exactly why I wasn’t willing to show my work to you.  Everybody else seems to think it’s great!”

“Maybe all this unnecessary adulation and praising is what made you this brat. Aaron, I loved your work. But it’s not “great”. I’m sorry, it’s not.  And I know other people might have already built castles of compliments for you for these 4 lines and that is why I didn’t want to add another floor to it.”

“But you could’ve said you loved it if you did. Why did you have to trash me and criticise my work?”

“Because darling, if I don’t, then who else will?”

I always had people in my life that made me gloat. They were my fans. Everyone was my fan, but she wasn’t. She liked me, my company. I can say this because I knew she didn’t like talking but to me, she always had something or the other to say. But she was not my fan. She was an acquaintance, a friend. And fucking hell, how I needed this friend!

10th July

2 am:

I called her up.

“What is it, Aaron?”

“It’s over Julie. It’s over. Susan broke up with me.”

“Oh Aaron, I’m so so sorry. Are you okay? Of course, you’re not! Is that why you’re up?”

“Yes, I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“I was never sleeping. I’m usually up all night reading novels. You can talk to sleep. I’d love to know what you have to say.”

“I never saw it coming, never! We were so happy, so in love. I don’t know what to say or do, I don’t know what to say or do, Julien.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say or do anything. Just calm down and let it all pass away. Let it flow. And even if you’re too sad to say a word, I can listen to this silence all night.”

I already made 8 calls. This was my 9th one. None of my so-called friends cared. They all either said it will be fine or were too sleepy. Nobody even thought of making me talk it out, talk me to sleep or would listen to my silence. This Specsy did. Julien wasn’t my priority when my humongous circle came in. She was the 9th call I made and yet the most comforting one. That day, she became my priority, my most important friend.

Since then, she called me every morning to check on me, spent a lot of time with me, saw to it that I ate and slept on time and made me laugh whenever she could. I don’t know if I was thinking too much or what but I saw something change in her. She was no longer the harsh Specsy; she became so loving, so soft, so caring. Her warmth was slowly making my heart of ice melt.

She would initiate going out together, having lunch. She motivated me to write. I would show her around the city and she would introduce me to new writers to make me inspired. Between all this new found friendship and bond, I slowly realised I’m over Susan.

17th July

“I’m over Susan!” I told her.

“Isn’t that too soon? Whatever it is, I’m happy for you now. Aaron, it killed me to not see you smile the past few days. I missed you! I missed your energy, your zest. I’m so glad you’re fine!”

I looked into her eyes and smiled. She wasn’t wearing her specs today. I stared a little too long into her eyes and I saw something I never did before. I almost asked her something, but then I didn’t.”

20th July

“In the coming days, the chemistry and bond between me and Julie was nothing but haywire. We were involved in each other so much that anyone who would have a look at us refused to believe that we were just friends. We used to be together everywhere: while travelling, in college, extra classes and even post that.”

Savio couldn’t help but notice this. He approached Julien one day to sort of confront her.

“My intelligent and efficient student seems to have lost interest these days”, he told her.

“Ah Sir, there’s absolutely nothing like that!”, she managed to mumble.

“It’s totally fine if you call me Savio. Also, I’m not that old, you see? So tell me, what did you find in the wildest guy of my family?”

“Savio, I told you. There’s nothing like that.”

“I’d be glad if there is actually nothing like that Julien. You deserve better! Aaron is a mess. A monster. And I would appreciate if you don’t tie him around your neck. Have a good day.”

Julie told me about this conversation the same day when we met.

“Savio said this?” I asked, very well surprised.

“Yes. It was so embarrassing; I can’t even begin to say. But how does it look like that to him?”

“Don’t pay much attention to these things, they keep happening here. And as far as Savio is concerned, he’s my brother; I cannot go against him but I suggest you don’t take what he says to heart.”

I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that! No matter how difficult, I should’ve taken a stand for Julie; for us. But I couldn’t do that. Savio was my brother, we’ve been very close. I couldn’t speak against him and that was when I first let Julien down; maybe.

But Julien and I didn’t stop; nobody could stop us. We were too close for anyone to come in between. Yes, of course, I didn’t stop eying other girls; nobody could stop me flirting with other girls. But now Julien became a part of it. It was funny for me to actually go up to her and tell her about my ventures and some girl I found hot! Before this, I never discussed it with any other girl. But with Julien, I was different, comfortable and she never judged me. She accepted me and liked me the way I was. In a world where people are set to make decisions and opinions about you every moving second, she never tried to analyse my behaviour anymore. We really were good friends, nothing more.

But as a couple of days went by, I felt this adrenaline rush in me that kept telling me otherwise. Whenever I looked into her eyes, I not just found something different but also noticed changes in me.

Now, let me tell you I’m not a guy who thinks this way. I’ve always, all my life, cared about nothing else but beer, soccer and girls. This seems ridiculous to me that I want to work on my writing because she gets really impressed by people who can write because she’s an avid reader. I never cared about things like spending time with someone because I liked it. I socialised because it’s important in these times; you must know certain people and that’s how your personality shapes. But now I’ve started to believe that your personality can get all the shaping required by a single person too. And that person was no one else but Julien!

Do I love her? She’s not my type. We’re so opposite to each other.  I can’t even discuss soccer with her. She comes from a different school of thoughts, her values, philosophies and lifestyle are so different from mine. But she still gets me. We’re still compatible, aren’t we? This is worth a shot. I have fooled around all my life with girls without a thought, who didn’t mean shit to me; then why not give a shot to something I’m feeling strongly about? But what if it doesn’t work? No! It has to work, I just can’t not let it work; she’s been the world to me. She’s done so much for me. Without her, I’d be lost. She has given my life a new meaning. I won’t let her down.

3rd August

Today was the day I had to tell her. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer.

We were walking down the streets when I turned to her.

“Julien, I have to tell you something.”

“Yes, go on’, she said giving me one of those sweet Julien smiles.

“I’m in love with someone.”

“Huh? Really? Who?”

We were passing by a store. I turned her face towards the glass of the store and pointed out. “This girl.”

“What?” she was surprised to death. However, I thought it was all pleasant.

There was a cool breeze passing and I placed my hands on her shoulder. I didn’t say anything for some seconds and we stood there watching our reflection on the glass. She was a tad too short for me but we did look great.

“I love you Julie!”

4th August

I feel like the happiest guy on earth. Julien was mine. Well, she hasn’t yet said that she loves me but she didn’t say otherwise too. I’ll wait though we are already like two people in love. We kiss each other good morning when we meet, we sit together in class holding hands. (Savio seems grim these days. Why did he not like my relationship with her?)

“I knew this would happen”, she said. We were talking on the phone.


“That I’ll meet my prince charming. I knew there would be somebody.”

“You knew? Well, that’s the opposite with me. I never knew I’d meet someone like you because I’ve never seen someone like you. I never thought there could be a person who would offer such depth and affection. Maybe because I never knew there exist such depth and affection. You’re my gem. But why did this gem choose me?”

“Why wouldn’t I choose you Aaron? You are one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. You saw me when I was invisible to everyone. You were kind and accepting of me when I thought I’m no good. You deserve every bit of this depth and affection. And it’s all for you.”

Wasn’t it strange when she would say all these things and yet wouldn’t say those 3 words?’

In the coming days, we were very happy. I was never this happy my entire life. The innocence that I found in her love, I’d bet my life no one anywhere in this world wouldn’t find.

20th August

“Preppie you are going to flunk!”

We were sitting in her apartment trying to, well, study. But I couldn’t help take my gaze off her. If you told any girl of New Bern that Aaron Hensler was in a relationship with a girl for a month and didn’t go to bed with her, they’d seriously question the sexuality of the girl.

“I’m not! We shouldn’t have thought of studying together.”

I was sitting across her in the room and she walked up to me.

“Did I tell you I loved you?” she asked all of a sudden.

“No Julie.”

“Why didn’t you ask?”

“Honestly, earlier it used to bother me that you never said those three words. But I’ve had girls in my life that said it all the time but never, not even for once, meant it. But with you, it was different. You say and do things for me that means to me way more than a futile ‘I love you’. As long as you and I know it in our hearts that we both love each other and want to be together, nothing else matters.’

The next moment, she leaned in and kissed me. And then we didn’t have sex. No. We made love!

2nd September

Julien and I were extremely in love. People told us that we were rushing things but when none of it felt wrong, why would we question things? One great thing happened. Savio joined us in our meetings and trips and dates.

Savio is the best brother anyone can have. I love him to the moon and back. He’s the most intelligent and smart person I’ve known. He’s rarely wrong about things, people and opinions and I loved the fact that Julien and Savio got closer. The awkwardness between them got replaced by a lot of close bond.

One day a conversation happened between them which led to a lot of things which I didn’t know back then.

“Do you think Aaron has really changed?” Savio asked her.

“Of course. You think otherwise?”

“You remember I told you something long back about him being a monster? Do you think otherwise?”

“Do you know when a monster is not a monster?”


“When you love him.”

“Yes. You can love a monster and he can love you back. But that doesn’t change his nature! Look at yourself! You deserve so much better.”

“I don’t think so Savio. He’s way better than I am!”

Savio laughed. ‘Really young lady? You feel like this? You’re so mature, understanding, soft spoken, and respectful of others with a sense of responsibility. And Aaron? Do you think he has any, any of these qualities? And I’m sorry Julien, you’re a sister to me and I’m afraid that all this abundant love of yours isn’t helping Aaron. You must make him a better person. Yes, you love him and he, well, maybe, loves you back but don’t you think you must open his eyes? Make him a better person by telling him his flaws? If you don’t who else will? Earlier, I was a little doubtful if you two could make it but hats off to you who handled him very well and also changed him. And it’s only in your hands to save him. You cannot see this because you too are in love with him. He’s my brother; I love him too. And that is why I need your help to make him a better person.’

“I want to make him a better person too. But how can I help you?”

“As of now, break-up with him!”

“WHAT? Savio! Are out of your bloody mind? Break up with Aaron? How could you even say this?”,she was baffled at his suggestion.

“Trust me, Julien! I’ve known him way before you did! Right now he thinks he has succeeded in life because you are in his life and you haven’t done much to get him out of this delusion. But right now, the kind of attitude Aaron has right now, only this step can change him. He thinks he’ll never lose you, and I know he won’t.  But Julien there’s a reason I never asked any of his previous girlfriends to do this. You know why? Because none of them ever made this difference to him. Even if they leave him, he wouldn’t give a fuck. But you’re different. You make a difference in his life and the fear of losing you is the only thing that can change him.”

“But what if this backfires? He’d get hurt. I don’t want to hurt him at any cost.”

“I’m there! How can let my own brother get hurt?”

Unfortunately, those were the days when one of my soccer tournaments were going on and I was unable to keep in touch with Julie as much I used to. So these kinds of misunderstandings got easier for people to make.

11th September

Our regular college had already started on the 7th, but thanks to the University soccer tournament that I can bunk them and even get attendance for the same.

I was in my hotel room after one of my soccer matches which were in Kinston, a town about 50 kilometres away from New Bern. The match ended in a draw after their striker scored the last minute, spoiling our mood. That’s when I get her call.

“I want to speak to you right now.”,she said in a rather unfriendly tone.

“Yes, baby. I’m so sorry I got a little busy these days.”

“I’m breaking up with you!”

I jumped off, too shocked to speak for a moment; too numb to react. I found my voice some seconds later. “Julie! What are you saying? Why? What did I do?”

“You’re a monster and I’m tying you to my neck and each day the grip getting tighter. I can’t do this anymore!”

“What are you saying, baby? You love me so much. I love you so much. Isn’t it?”

“All I have to say is that you don’t respect me! We’re polar opposites. I should’ve thought about all this before. Everyone warned me, said that I shouldn’t have rushed into things I-”

“But we did right? Because we love each other. I don’t know why you’re saying these things. We wanted to be with each other always. If I’ve done anything, anything wrong then I’m really sorry Julien. You mean the world to me. You are my world. Don’t leave me like this baby, please. I’ll be there. I’ll be there right now. Fuck this tournament, I don’t want all this, I don’t want anything; I only want you.”

“Bye Aaron.”

And that was it. She put the phone down. I was still in my jersey and shorts with my kit lying on the hotel floor.

I gathered my stuff and escaped the hotel without informing anyone. I rushed to the airport and took the 1st flight to Newbern. This couldn’t be it, she can’t leave me. She loves me, I knew it. I was in tears in my entire journey. I reached New Bern at 5 in the morning and went straight to her apartment,

As she opened the door, I noticed she was looking pale, with red eyes.

I thought I’d hold her tightly by her shoulders, look into her eyes and tell her that I loved her; but in reality, we were both tired, pale; with too much crying. So she went and sat on the couch. I knelt down, before a girl for the first time in my life, and put my head on her lap.

I said, “I’m not as good as you. I know we’re polar different. You’re light and I’m darkness, but what’s light without darkness? I know I don’t deserve you and you’ll find someone better than me. But I love you; I’ll always love you, even if you don’t love me.  I want you to be with me. Please don’t leave me. Don’t ever leave me. Julie, I’ll be lost without you, I have no one but you. Good or bad, we’ll walk all roads together. And when you’ve had enough of my shit and can’t walk anymore, I’ll pick you up and walk till the end of time. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done and all the trouble I’ve caused, but I can’t live without you. I can’t be without you. We are meant to be-”

By this time she was already in tears, we were in tears. I held her face and we just cried for some time and then she finally said. “I’m tired Aaron, and I know you’re tired too.”

We went to her bed and just went to sleep. And that was it. I stopped her for going away and I could do it because she loved me and she didn’t mean to leave me either. She is and always will be mine. Maybe it was a moment of doubt or maybe she had to voice what was wrong with me, with her. There are rocky moments in every relationship, but it’s about how the two don’t let go of each other and decide to get past it emerging stronger than ever which matters. And we did, which seems very unrealistic to me, but we did. We fought the hard times and now I know there may come times like these again and I’m certain we’ll get past that too. Because we love each other. When I held her in my arms, I knew I had someone very special, someone who has come to life only and only for me. To teach me how to live, to teach how to love and how intensely I could be loved.

The next day, I had to go back to Kinston, albeit with a heavy heart and a smiling Julie bidding me goodbye.


19th September

Our team was handed a jaw-dropping 4-0 defeat by the tournament favorites Trent Park team in the semifinals. Although we were disappointed on losing out on the title, the fact that I can finally go back to Julie made me smile within. I had to make up for all the lost time I could’ve spent beside her. But I didn’t have the slightest idea how. All I could do was hope that we get along like before as soon as possible.

31st October

It was yet another Halloween party hosted by my friend Matt at his Dad’s farmhouse located on the outskirts of the town. I had been there the previous two times with my other classmates and I invited Julien to join us this time around. At first, she was sceptical whether to join or not, but then she finally gave in to the idea. She was dressed as a witch with the trademark crooked hat and a broom as her accessories. Added to it was the necklace with plastic skulls which we made the day before. On the other hand, I was dressed as a scarecrow with a pumpkin cut out as my headgear. We went from house to house, asking the traditional question ‘Trick or Treat?’. While most of the guys said Treat, we were pretty sure Douglas uncle would prefer Trick instead, as usual. Needless to say, we had the trick up our sleeves and were waiting when he would utter the word. But we were handed nothing but disappointment as we found out that he wasn’t at his home. As we were about to knock his door, the door opened itself, the squeaky noise making sure it all felt spooky.

“Mr Douglas you there?”, Matt asked as he knocked the door again but in vain.

We couldn’t see anything inside as the whole house was covered in darkness. I tried switching on the lights, but the switches didn’t work. Neither did the torch that Julien was carrying along. The shallow yet shrill howling sound that came from the upper floor made us tremble in horror. Soon we realised that the source of the sound was slowly coming closer to us. And then we saw a pale shadow peeking through the kitchen window. At that very instant we decided to leave the house and that’s when Mr.Douglas turned on the lights and we stood there, stunned into silence as we understood the real scenario. The tables had turned. The tricksters have been tricked.

The month of November was marred with exams, projects and submissions which were followed consequently by exams. Julien looked to it that I prepared well for them and do not flunk them m=by any chance.

25th December

It was Christmas, the happiest time of the year when we broke up once again. Thanks to Susan this time. We had just finished the midnight mass when Susan popped up all of a sudden with a note which said:

‘Behind the church in five :)’

Before I could ask her anything, she had already disappeared. One part of my mind said ‘No. This can turn out pretty bad’ while the other half was curious on what she had to say to me after all these months of silence. I decided to go with the latter, seeing to it that Julie doesn’t notice me at any cost.

As I reached behind the church, my eyes searched out for Susan, only in vain. A few moments later, I heard her voice which sent chills down my spine.

“Waiting for someone Preppie?”

31st December

Our conversations went from less to nil since the day I was busted in Susan’s trick. I never expected that she will be so jealous seeing us happy that she sowed the seeds of doubt and infidelity in Julie’s mind.

Julie was totally pissed off terming my foolishness as disloyal. I tried to make her understand, but she was adamant on her stand. Savio added fuel to the fire as soon as he came to know about it.

“Monsters remain monsters, irrespective of whether you love them or not.”

So helping of my brother!

My mind was in a state of chaos and disbelief of what happened over a week ago that I started skipping my weekend soccer practice sessions. I reduced my interactions with other buddies who were quite amused at my all of a sudden controlled and silent behaviour.

As I sat looking at the setting sun over the town lake, with a bottle of beer in one of my hands and a pen that she had gifted me during my exams in the other, I heard her voice behind me. I didn’t respond since I knew it was just another illusion that I’ve been having over the past few days. But this time I was wrong. She was really present, a sad smile on her face. I was taken aback as she came and sat beside me. But we didn’t utter a single word. Our silence was enough to express what we had in our tumultuous minds that moment. As the final sun rays diminished, she left me lurking in the dark and went away without even saying a bye.


And yeah that was it. The year 1976. A year which changed it all. The year I met Julien, the love of my life. Although the sails were smooth at the beginning, things slowly started getting really tough due to my regular soccer tournaments out of town and my constant flirting with other girls. I don’t know where we will end up if we go like this, but one thing’s for sure – she was not just another one in my string of flings. She will always remain that special person in my life who made me believe in myself, who inspired me to up my writing skills and who loved me without any doubt. She made me realise that true love does exist and can totally change your world for the better. I love you Julien, and I always will.

I let a huge sigh escape my heart as I closed his diary of 1976, the rest of the diaries neatly stacked in the vault behind his small library of books which I discovered today. A lone tear trickled down my cheek as I realised how much he actually loved me, and how he managed to treasure all those moments between us, safely kept away from anyone but him. As I took a trip down the memory lane, getting nostalgic all over again, the only question that remained was why he kept these diaries away from me.

I stood up from his bed, arranged all the diaries by year and put them back to the vault. That’s when a note escaped from one of the books.

I picked it up to find a smile on my face. It was the first note that he had shown me at college. His very first work that I had trashed. I re-read it again, running my hands over the ink and words that faded over time. I laughed as I remember his initial reaction when I had said that his poem was okay, but not great. As I flipped the note, I noticed some words by him.

The person for whom I had written this didn’t find it great. Perhaps I’ve to try harder. Anyways, she doesn’t appreciate any efforts of mine.

I couldn’t resist but take a pen from his desk and write beneath:

If I hadn’t been there, I don’t think you’d be the renowned author you are now Preppie dear. You were such a lazy ass writer whose ego was fed by all the fake adulations people gave you. I’m happy on how times slowly changed for the better and you put in the required efforts to reach the pinnacle of success you desired Aaron, and I was lucky enough to be a part of your wonderful journey.

Life has become pretty dull and boring after you left me two years ago, battling a tough fight against pneumonia. At times I can’t even believe you are no more among us. I always feel you are around me, looking after my actions, praying for me. May your soul rest in peace Aaron and hope the day comes soon when the Almighty will call me up so that we can have another conversation about books, love and football.

Until then, take care.

Your loving wife, 

Julien Caviezel.



Birjis and I met for the first time this February, thanks to Alegria and the concept of the content writing team that I and Franav Sir had in mind. We didn’t interact much, but I read every post of hers. They were spot on. The poems on her Instagram profile will speak better than my words of appraise for her.

This was the first among the four collabs till now where I didn’t write the majority of the story. Birjis had already written most of the stuff when I was busy with the earlier collabs and that made things easier for me. The only place where I was sceptical was the diary part which formed the crux of this story, similar to the last collab with Abhishek. But the plot and genre were different altogether, so it didn’t creep my mind to alter or shuffle the dates.

So, with this story, we finish the first phase of ‘the collab projekt’ (which wasn’t planned to release in two phases as such.)

But thanks to college, the final year project, the soon to start assignments and the upcoming placement season that I realised it’d be too tough for me to allocate time for writing like I did during the previous four weeks of my vacay, where I spent around 4-6 hours daily in front of my laptop, punching in words.

So that’s it. An interesting second phase of ‘the collab projekt’ awaits. Meanwhile, thanks a tonne for all the love and reviews you guys have given till now for this concept and the stories published till now under #thecollabprojekt. As I always say, you keep me going.

2 thoughts on “What I never knew

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